Being a working mom

When I grew up...my mom worked. I moved in with my dad, he married Letty, my step-mom and she worked. I knew no other way, I thought that every mom worked, I really didn't know that there was any such thing as a mom who stayed home with her kids all day. All of my friends moms worked. It was the norm to me. Did it ever bother me that my mom(s) worked...nope. Did I think they loved me any less? Nope. Did I think it made them a bad mom? Nope.

So, why is that now that I'm a mom and I have to work, that I feel like such an awful mother?!?! I've only been back to work from maternity leave for 1 week 1 day and it's gotten a little bit easier, but not much. Today, I heard from my mother in law that Beckett laughs....not just a little, like, a full on belly laugh. Have I heard it? Nope. Has she..sure has. Am I jealous? You bet ya. Does it make me mad? A little. I don't think it's fair that she get's to see these moments all day long and see both of my kids do all of their "firsts" and I get to hear about them while I'm sitting at my desk here at work, wishing I was home with my boys. Things like this make me sad...make me mad and make me wish that I could stay at home with them. Instead, I get to spend about 3 hours a day with them, which is filled with cooking dinner, cleaning up dinner, giving them baths and getting them ready for bed (which that alone is an hour ordeal) and then they go to bed. Not much time for a lot of other things, like playing a bunch (although we do play quite a bit during the summer outside all night since it's light out a little longer.) or to me, not enough time to let them know how much I love them and how much I miss them while we're apart. Not enough time to see every smile, every laugh and every frown.

It's just not enough time.

I think that ALL mothers should be able to stay at home with their children for at least the first 5 years of their lives. The governement should pay us to take care of our kids, not pawn them off onto someone else every day so this person can be the one to whitness all of those awesome moments while you go to work everyday and just think all day of what they could be doing.

It's not fair.

It's just not fair..........................................................................

At work

This.Sucks.Ass

Back to work

So, tomorrow is the day...the one I've been dreading since October 6th, the minute Beckett was born. I have to go back to work. My stint as a stay at home mom is over :(

I hate this....all day long I've been sick to my stomach and have just randomly burst into tears just at the thought of what it is going to be like in the morning when I leave my babies. I remember it being hard with Parker, but I honestly do not remember it being this hard. Maybe it's because now I know Parker has gotten used to me being home and now I'm leaving him. And, I wonder if Beckett is going to wonder where I'm at.

It's nice that we get to take them to my mother in laws and I don't have to take them to strangers. But, at the same time, it sucks that she gets to spend more time with them than I do, she gets to see a majority of their "firsts" and she knows them probably better than I do.

This has been an awesome time in my life. Being home with both of my boys. I wouldn't have traded it for anything in this world. I actually got to feel like a stay at home mom and cherished every moment of it. I felt like I was a real mom.......now I feel like I'm abandoning my kids.

Tomorrow is going to be a very hard day for me. I hope that if your reading this and you are a stay at home mom that you know how lucky you are. And, how envious of you I'am. Because I would give the world to spend just a couple more days with my boys. Being the one who takes care of their every need and the one who gets to see every single smile and see every sweet and funny thing that they do.

Tomorrow is going to suck.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Hi everyone! A bit late, as usual, but Merry Christmas! It has been soooo busy around our house the past couple of weeks, so there has not been much time between running here and there to sit down and write. I love the holidays, but this year I think we had WAY too much Christmas! By Sunday we were totally done and so was Parker!

Our Christmas was good. This year was the first year that Parker REALLY got into opening his presents and it was so much fun to watch him open them up.

He really only had one thing on his mind in terms of what he wanted from Santa and that was a guitar! He has been wanting a guitar forever, because Parker thinks (and so do we) that he is a "rock star". He likes to play "rock star" and he does a darn good job of it. We did (or Santa did) get him a guitar, but once he opened it it wasn't the one he really wanted. It was one that you had to hook up an I-Pod to or a MP3 player, or he could wonder around with headphones on. He liked it, but you could tell he was a little let down. But, luckily just a couple of days before hand, Parker stared going to the potty on the big boy potty and we told him that if he pooped on the big boy potty he could have a REAL guitar. And, on Christmas Eve, he pooped on the potty. So, of course I rushed out the day after Christmas I rushed to Toys R Us and bought him a Spongebob Squarepants guitar, which he totally loves.

No better way to pass the time on the potty than play the guitar and write some songs. I about peed my pants when I walked in and saw him playing the guitar on the pot! Too funny. He also ended up getting another guitar from his Aunt Jana and Uncle Dave which along with the drums, and other instruments that he got has us stocked with stuff for a full fledged band! We have a rock star living in our house!

Beckett enjoyed himself as well. Although he has no idea what in the world was going on, he liked what he saw!

Next year will be a good year for him, as Beckett and big brother Parker will be able to open presents together!

Like I said, it was a pretty busy week for us. Christmas Eve we went to Scott's parents house to celebrate with his family. Christmas day we woke up and did presents here, Scott got a new coffee maker and a new coffee mug and I got some great smelling perfume. We went to my moms house to celebrate with her and my step-dad and my sisters and brothers. My Aunt Connie was there with her new beau, Dave and my cousin Elizabeth and her boyfriend, oh wait, I'm sorry, fiance Scott were there (congrats to them!). Then we headed to my Uncles house to celebrate with my dads family. Friday we went to my dad and step-moms house and did Christmas there and then Saturday we went back there and celebrated with some more family. It was very busy, but also very nice to be with family. Christmas is my favorite time of year and although it was so crazy, I'm a little sad that it is over.

So, now onto New Years! Tomorrow is New Years Eve and Scott and I are hosting a party. Although I feel like I'm not very prepared for it, but I think (I hope) it will be fun! All of our close and good friends are coming over to ring in the new year with us and I cannot wait. Then a couple of days of relaxing and back to work I go (more on that depressing topic later!)

So, I will probably post on New Years day, so until then...Happy New Year!

What was I thinking?

Right after we graduated high school (10 short years ago!) we all went to Panama City Beach Florida as many high school graduates do. While on the plane on the way there I decided that I wanted to get my nose pierced. So, right after getting checked into our hotel me and my group of friends went straight across the street to a little shop that did piercings and tatoos. And, I did it. I got a nose ring. And, it was an actual ring. At that time and at that particular place they didn' t have the tiny little studs all they had were those rings, and that is what I had. I loved it. Scott got to Panama a couple of days later and he hated it. He said that it looked trashy...and looking back....it did. It was big and gawdy and 2 weeks after being home from Florida we took it out. Scott and I sat at his kitchen table and messed with it for hours before I was finally able to get it out.

So, recently I've been thinking that I wanted to do it again. But, this time I just wanted the tiny little stud that I should have gotten in the first place. I told Scott this and he told me that I was nuts, why in the world at the age of 28 and with two children would I want to get this done again? But, I really wanted it done. So, I tell me little sisters this and they wanted it done too. So, we decided we were all going to go and do it together. And, we did...well, me and Rachael did anyway. We did it...today.

I was pretty excited after we got it done. I had it done and I like it. But, now, after coming home and getting out that "excitement" stage I'm wondering if it was a huge mistake. I mean, I AM 28 years old..and I'm a mom! Moms don't have their noses pierced. Scott told me he thinks that I'm going through a "quarter-life crisis". I'm not, it's just something that I personally think is cute and wanted to do it again (and maybe prove to myself I'm not getting old and that I'm still young enough to do something like that). Scott, of course hates it. He said that he thinks that ALL facial piercings are trashy, but this one is tiny really and it's not bad. But, he hates it. And, I'm doing the same thing that I did the last time. He doesn't like it so I feel like I have to take it out. And, now I'm questioning myself.

What the hell was I thinking???!!! I cannot believe that i did this AGAIN! And, I'm old..too old to be doing crap like this, right? I mean, how can I do this when i'm a MOM for goodness sakes! How can people take me seriously as a mother when I have a freakin piercing in my nose! And, not one that I've had pre-babies..but one that I got after both of them were born! I'm an idiot....go ahead and tell me. Because with Christmas being this week, I'm sure I'm going to hear it a million times....

What was I thinking?

Our first night withot Beckett

Oh...and forgot to add that tonight will be Beckett's first night in his room by himself. I'm nervous. Parker was only 5 weeks old when he went into his own room per doctors orders! He told us that Parker might not be sleeping as well as he should because of being in the room with us and we probably disturb him. Beckett is the complete opposite. He' s never been bad to have in the room with us, so it's going to be hard to not be able just to look right over and see him sleeping tight right next to our bed. He's a big boy now..it feels like a big step we are taking. I'm kinda sad that he's going to be in his own room now. Hopefully it's a good night for him and I'm sure it won't be a good night for us!

I got a I-Phone today

So, last night Scott and I got a night out free of children and did some Christmas shopping but before we started we thought that we would go and check out some new phones. It was time that we could upgrade our phones so we went and checked them out. I wanted something with a keyboard for texting (because there are many times that I would rather text than talk) and Scott wanted and has been wanting an I-phone since they came out. So, he got an I-phone and I got this other phone with a keyboard which I thought that I would like a lot. That is until we got home and I got to messing around on SCott's new phone.

Turns out I liked the i-phone better and ended up going back this morning and returning my phone and getting an i-phone. It's the coolest thing ever, I love it! There are so many things that I can do on it and it's like a little computer more than it is a phone! I'm pumped...as you can tell, the little things in life excite me!

We also finished Christmas shopping for Parker last night. It was a lot harder this year than it has been in the past just because I feel like he has everything already. And, it's so hard since his birthday is just 2 weeks after Christmas. He literally does have everything already! This year his gifts were more "big-boy" like and not such baby-like toys. We got him a guitar, drums (he thinks he'a rock star), a scooter, a skateboard (I know that he is not able to actually use the skateboard like he should, but one of the boys on the street has one and that is all he talks about!) a pair of My First Skates a Kid Tough Digital Camera and a lot of other things as well. I think he is really going to like what Santa brings him this year...or so I hope so. This year it's going to be so neat to see him opening his gifts since the past couple of years we have been doing it for him and he wasn't all that interested!

Well, off to play around with the i-phone! This thing is the coolest thing ever!