Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Being a working mom

When I grew up...my mom worked. I moved in with my dad, he married Letty, my step-mom and she worked. I knew no other way, I thought that every mom worked, I really didn't know that there was any such thing as a mom who stayed home with her kids all day. All of my friends moms worked. It was the norm to me. Did it ever bother me that my mom(s) worked...nope. Did I think they loved me any less? Nope. Did I think it made them a bad mom? Nope.

So, why is that now that I'm a mom and I have to work, that I feel like such an awful mother?!?! I've only been back to work from maternity leave for 1 week 1 day and it's gotten a little bit easier, but not much. Today, I heard from my mother in law that Beckett laughs....not just a little, like, a full on belly laugh. Have I heard it? Nope. Has she..sure has. Am I jealous? You bet ya. Does it make me mad? A little. I don't think it's fair that she get's to see these moments all day long and see both of my kids do all of their "firsts" and I get to hear about them while I'm sitting at my desk here at work, wishing I was home with my boys. Things like this make me sad...make me mad and make me wish that I could stay at home with them. Instead, I get to spend about 3 hours a day with them, which is filled with cooking dinner, cleaning up dinner, giving them baths and getting them ready for bed (which that alone is an hour ordeal) and then they go to bed. Not much time for a lot of other things, like playing a bunch (although we do play quite a bit during the summer outside all night since it's light out a little longer.) or to me, not enough time to let them know how much I love them and how much I miss them while we're apart. Not enough time to see every smile, every laugh and every frown.

It's just not enough time.

I think that ALL mothers should be able to stay at home with their children for at least the first 5 years of their lives. The governement should pay us to take care of our kids, not pawn them off onto someone else every day so this person can be the one to whitness all of those awesome moments while you go to work everyday and just think all day of what they could be doing.

It's not fair.

It's just not fair..........................................................................

1 comment:

PoemLindsey said...

Alisha, just read your blog and of course this post struck a nerve with me. I think it's a constant that any Mother working or not struggles with. It's this home and work-life balance that has us constantly spinning a dozen plates in the air desperately trying not to drop any.

I struggle with it daily in my own life. Everyday I still have Mom-Guilt. Did I spend enough time with them today despite "being off"? Or was my day more about cleaning, paying bills or organizing all the chaos? Am I letting my career slip and does my boss think I'm more incapable since I'm a Mother of two solidly family focused?

It's a constant dance with unending anxiety. I like to remember I'm not alone and millions of mothers like yourself are out there trying to be the best they can. I'm sure as far as Parker and Beckett are concerned there could be no one better to kiss their booboos and tuck them in at night. Mega-ultitasking is certainly the sign of a wonderful Mother! Great blog and I enjoy reading it.
Much Mom Respect, -Chrissy