Back to work

So, tomorrow is the day...the one I've been dreading since October 6th, the minute Beckett was born. I have to go back to work. My stint as a stay at home mom is over :(

I hate this....all day long I've been sick to my stomach and have just randomly burst into tears just at the thought of what it is going to be like in the morning when I leave my babies. I remember it being hard with Parker, but I honestly do not remember it being this hard. Maybe it's because now I know Parker has gotten used to me being home and now I'm leaving him. And, I wonder if Beckett is going to wonder where I'm at.

It's nice that we get to take them to my mother in laws and I don't have to take them to strangers. But, at the same time, it sucks that she gets to spend more time with them than I do, she gets to see a majority of their "firsts" and she knows them probably better than I do.

This has been an awesome time in my life. Being home with both of my boys. I wouldn't have traded it for anything in this world. I actually got to feel like a stay at home mom and cherished every moment of it. I felt like I was a real mom.......now I feel like I'm abandoning my kids.

Tomorrow is going to be a very hard day for me. I hope that if your reading this and you are a stay at home mom that you know how lucky you are. And, how envious of you I'am. Because I would give the world to spend just a couple more days with my boys. Being the one who takes care of their every need and the one who gets to see every single smile and see every sweet and funny thing that they do.

Tomorrow is going to suck.