Friday, November 28, 2008

Scary night

It's 3:30 in the morning. I'm wide away, although I'm completely exhausted. I couldn't wait to get home tonight and go to sleep because it's honestly been a really long week. And, even though we had a pretty low-key Thanksgiving day, which is something that we normally do not have, it just seemed like it was SO long and took a lot of energy!

So, tonight we came home, Parker was already asleep by the time we got out of Scott's parent's street. We got him to bed, I fed Beckett and while I was feeding him I started feeling really bad. Which, over the past two weeks is nothing unusual for me. I have been feeling not so well over the past couple of weeks and have not had any clue why. I just kinda figured that my stomach had been torn up for any given reason, sometimes that happens to people. And, with Parker getting sick last week I kinda assumed that it's probably what I've been dealing with. Monday and Tuesday I felt horrible all day and then yesterday I started feeling better. Then last night after our party I started feeling bad again, but went to bed and woke up and felt fine. All throughout the day I've felt awful off and on, which on Thanksgiving, the biggest "eat all you can" day of the year (which is why it is my 2nd favorite holiday of the year!) it's not good to have no appetite. But, like it has been for the past two weeks, it's been off and on, so I would feel bad and then feel good and then feel bad again. We went to bed and I was feeling REALLY bad, like I was going to get sick at any moment and I was almost asleep when I had this really weird wave of something come over me that made me wake up instantly. I don't even really know how to explain it, but it was the strangest feeling I've ever had. So, I kinda sat up and let it pass and then tried to lay back down again. A couple of minutes later it happened again and I felt like I was going to get sick so I went into the bathroom. It felt worse than it did the first time and I felt really light-headed and dizzy and it REALLY scared me. I'm one of those people who think the worst about everything, so instantly my mind goes to, "OMG, something is wrong with me, I'm going to die" I woke Scott up because I thought, if I pass out in the bathroom I don't want him to not know and for me to be laying on the bathroom floor passed out. I told him that I felt really weird and that it was scaring me because I felt so bad and so "odd". Odd is really the only way that I can explain it. It's just a wave of weirdness that rushed over me. I told Scott that I wanted him to come in the bathroom and sit with me because I was really scared and I thought that I was going to get sick.

And, this brings me to why I think I'm sick. I don't take birth control pills, well, I have before in the past, but I'm one of those people who is an awful medicine taker. I don't take Tylenol unless my headache is close to migraine status, when I have a cold I don't take medicine to make it better unless I feel like I'm not able to function. I'm one of those people who just thinks that everything will run it's course and that I'm not going to take medicine to make it runs it's course faster than it is supposed to because it's probably not natural. AND, with birth control, I never remember to take it. I always screw it up and it's makes more sense for me not to take it and take other "precautions". So, when I went in for my 6 week post pardum check-up, Dr. Lum wanted to put me on birth control until Scott get's "snipped". So, I thought that I would give it a go.

Last night when I was feeling so bad it occurred to me that I've been feeling like this every since I started taking my birth control pills. So, I got out the little pamphlet that comes with it explaining all of the side effects, what to do when you miss a pill and all that jazz. Well, some of the side effects are, nausea, vomiting, nervousness, dizziness, depression, and many other things. I thought, well, obviously I'm getting the whole nausea part, that has to be why I've felt so bad for the past two weeks. While I was thinking I was going to be sick Scott wanted to know where i had read this info about the birth control and I told him so here I'm, head in the toilet and here is Scott sitting on the bathtub reading about my birth control...what a pair!

So, I started to feel better, came back to bed and then started feeling that "weirdness" again. So, Scott wanted me to call Dr. Lum, my doc, the best doc in the world, so I called him and asked him if it could be the pills. He told me YES! To stop taking them and see if I started feeling better and that estrogen is known to make you sick (then why give the shit out!) and the feelings I was having was probably along the lines of an anxiety attack, which is part of the estrogen and all of the changes the pill is doing to my hormones and OBVIOUSLY this is not the fit for me. Okay, I've had an anxiety attack before, while I was pregnant with Beckett, on the way to work on I-75, which is already a death trap to begin with, and it was literally one of the scariest things that I've ever gone through. It apparently was a "pregnancy induced" anxiety attack (who knew you could have those!) and this was kinda like the feeling that I was having tonight.

I don't know why I decided to get on here and write about this, but I think it has made me feel better (plus I got myself sooo worked up before I cannot even imagine going to bed yet) but I did. I just know tonight was a scary night and I think I scared the crap out of Scott (who is now sawing logs next to me). Not how I really wanted to end my Thanksgiving night. Hopefully this crap will get out of my system soon and I start to feel better and this doesn't happen again. I was VERY the point where I went back into Parkers room, climbed in his bed, gave him another kiss and a squeeze and the same to Beckett and Scott.....just in case, because we all know that tomorrow is never a guarantee. Reminding me, on one of the most important days of all, what it is I'm truely thankful for. It was THAT kind of scary. I know that I never want to feel that again.

So, now my dramatic story is's almost 4 in the morning. I wasn't going to go shopping tomorrow morning because tonight I decided I was just too tired and there was nothing I really wanted to go out and get, but now that I'm up I think I might just go out and check some sales out..........maybe!

Happy Thanksgiving all.....hope to see you again soon.

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