Just a little warning to begin this post.....there might be a lot of mistakes in this blog. We just got a new laptop..a little mini-laptop. We needed another computer in the house since it's like Scott and I (he is a total Internet whore) are fighting over the laptop. And, since he is in school and I'm in school we thought that it would be a good investment to purchase another computer. He decided he wanted this little mini-laptop. It's pretty neat, I call it cute. It's the size of a portable DVD player, which is nice for when you have to take it somewhere, but getting used to the tiny little keyboard is something that takes a lot of getting used to. So, if there is some mistakes...I apologize in advance. The Internet whore himself has the regular laptop right now looking up more pointless crap!
So, the other day I looked at the calendar (Scott's a Internet whore...I'm a calendar/planner whore) and realized that I only have a short couple of weeks left of maternity leave and then I will be heading back to work. I hate it. It literally makes me sick to my stomach to think that this time next month I'm going to be back in my office, my babies with my mother-in-law and back to not getting home until 5:30 and leaving the house at 6 in the morning. I'm dreading it. And, I remember dreading it with Parker as well, but it became nice to fall into a routine. But, it sucked that I had to be away from my baby. And, now, I have to be away from two babies. And, this time, one of them knows that I'm leaving him. Yesterday, Parker asked me if we were going to grandma's and I told him no, but in a couple of weeks he would be going there everyday to play with Grandma and Hunter. He got excited until I told him that he was going there because I had to go back to work. His reaction was "No!!! Your gonna leave me?!?!?" So, of course, I immediately get teary eyed and he says, "Please don't leave me." Now, if your a parent then you know how awful it is to see your child watching you leave, whether it be for an hour or ten..it's one of the most heart wrenching things that I've ever had to go through. And, now, I have a little man who tells me he doesn't want me to leave him. It's going to be such and adjustment. And adjustment that I'm not looking forward to at all.
AND..to make matters worse, one month from today Parker is going to be THREE YEARS OLD! THREE!!!!!!!! I cannot believe that it has been three years since he was born, it feels like it was just yesterday. I hate that he has grown up so fast and he went from this baby to this grown up little boy in such a quick amount of time. I hate it, Scott loves it. Scott has been waiting for the day when he can take him up to the baseball field with him for practice and now he's there and Scott is counting down the days until baseball practice starts. Three..Parker is going to be three. I hate it. I hate it that time is going so fast.
I hate that my parents were right. You know when they say, "Don't wish your time away...it goes too fast, enjoy the moment that you are in." I hate it that they were right. I feel like I was just in high school yesterday. I cannot believe that this time 10 years ago I was a freshman in college with not a care in the world. I was just going to school and going to Nashville to see Scott on the weekends. I lived for those weekends. Going to Western was only an option because I wanted to be close to him. I had planned on going to UK until Scott decided that he was going to go to Aquinas to play baseball (which was better than his other alternative of going to Florida to play baseball..that would have been yuck!). And, I'm so glad that I did go there because I loved Western and had some really good times there. Times that I feel like just happened last weekend. And, I've met some awesome people along the way. Mostly through Scott because I spent a lot of my extra time with him, but I've made some pretty good friends through him. It sucked to always be away from each other, but the people I got to meet and the great times that we both had are priceless. I wouldn't give that away for anything.
i feel like I'm getting old. In just a short three months I'm going to be 29 years old. I can remember laying in bed the morning of my first day of school in the 4th grade thinking that there was no way that I was already in the 4th grade, my life was going to fast (and yes, I did think that as a 9 year old!) And, now I'm almost 30. I cannot imagine what my parents are thinking. All I know is that I'm thinking that my life just seems to be flying right past me. One minute I was a teenager and the next I'm a mom of two beautiful boys and married to my high school sweetheart. I always wondered where I was going to be five, ten years after high school and here we are. The next thing I know, Parker is going to be 10 and Beckett will be 7. And, I won't be able to snuggle them in my arms anymore and kiss them 500 times a day. That makes me sad. And, one day, they really won't care if I'm there or not and they won't need me to kiss their boo-boo's and hug them when they get hurt. They will have girlfriends (although tonight I did make Parker promise that I would be his girlfriend until he was at least 30.) and they will be too busy with their friends and sports and going out. And, I will be lucky to get my entire family to sit down at the dinner table at the same time for a meal. I will be lucky to have them home everyday and every night. They will have more important things to do than sit and snuggle on the couch with mom. Mom won't be so important anymore.
Sorry to be so depressing but there are things that bother me about time going too fast. I couldn't wait to get out of high school and get off to college. I went off to college and then wished my weeks away for my weekends. I couldn't wait to get out of school and get a job and start making some money. I couldn't wait to move out of my parents house and get a place with Scott and get married. Now we are married (4 years ) and have children, a house, two cars and a dog. We're playing Santa, kissing boo-boo's, watching Caillou. We're not staying out until 4 in the morning anymore and sleeping our weekends away. We're actual grown-ups...which is so cool in so many ways, yet so depressing in many ways as well.
My three younger siblings are 19, 17 and 16. They are sooo me when it comes to wishing their time away and I keep telling them not to do it because it goes to fast to begin with. They will look back and WISH they could get one more day in high school, one more day in college and one more day without a mortgage payment. They will realize that our parents were really NOT THAT BAD and that they really were making our lives miserable out of love and that there really was a point to it other than making us pissed off for the time being. They will realize that those years and those friends are literally some of the best times and some of the best friends that they will ever have. And, time goes to fast to wish it away. Because before they know it, they will finally be a grown up and wishing they were a kid again!